would you consider yourself to be reckless, bored, or perpetually hungry? is spontaneity missing from your life? are you in dire need of someone that you can freely speak to about anything without fear of being judged? have you got entirely too many random questions about anything that you would like essay-length answers to? would you fancy a stuffed pepper? if you answered yes to any or all of these questions, a solution awaits.

no friend group is complete without "the mum friend." they are the responsible one. they will make sure that you're well fed and hydrated. they will keep you from going to prison and/or dying. they will offer you advice and a warm place to sleep. they've got answers to all of your questions. best of all, they won't mock you for owning a copy of sex for dummies by dr ruth westheimer. if you feel that this is missing from your life, allow me to introduce emma: your mum friend.

with you in mind, emma: your mum friend will leave you mid-anything to visit starbucks on upper street for an iced pumpkin spice latte with whipped cream. had you been there, you'd have gotten one as well. emma: your mum friend is great for forcing two-and-a-half-hour long tearjerkers on you. during those excruciatingly long films, she will offer snack breaks so that you don't starve, stretch breaks so that you won't have a numb bum, and piss breaks so that you don't end up in hospital with a bladder infection (she would bring flowers and non-latex balloons though). nothing says "i care" more than emma: your mum friend's willingness to pause prior to titanic's sinking so that you don't die a miserable, painful death while jack does the same.

"Excellent wingman 12/10 will only cockblock if they're 30+ with dad bod."

—sarah hyland, actual expert

emma: your mum friend is equal parts vicious soccer mum and linda belcher, making her a terrific support system and songstress. in typical young mum fashion, you may see her in athletic wear, but as a certified yoga instructor, it's acceptable and she'll keep you limber. at 27 years of age, emma: your mum friend has seen enough to offer advice on subjects including but not limited to: alien abduction, how to make it through salo without vomiting, and proper tamagotchi care. for one starbucks gift card of any denomination, emma will become your official mum friend today!